Goal Setting with Sarah Findlay
Q: You decided to move to Los Angeles. How did that come about?
LA was about following my instincts and a fresh start. Before I was even in my relationship, I quietly thought about LA. However, I waited to follow my instinct to explore this as a possibility. Fast forward to October 2015, I was in the midst of a major breakup and immersed in the pain of it all. During this time, I lost 16 lbs and was not really functioning. I was living with my cousin (as I had nowhere to live), and I had no immediate plans for the future; it was too painful to even think about. My cousin suggested gently, "Why don't we just see what's out there?" We started researching PR jobs in LA to get my mind off things and found many amazing opportunities. Two months later, she told me it was time to book a plane ticket to LA to check it out and see if I could live there.
I remember thinking: Can I live in LA? Is it a good cultural fit for me? I also didn’t know anyone there at the time but I knew I could rely on my PR skills. I started messaging everyone I knew in Australia to see if they had any connections to introduce me to in LA. It was amazing as so many people stepped up for me through this crisis and introduced me to my network of friends and contacts I now have in LA. In total, about 30 to 50 people helped me throughout the breakup. It was the first time I was utterly vulnerable and opened up to people asking for their assistance.
Sometimes, I didn't need to ask; people just stepped forward and helped me. I learned the power of vulnerability and that it is ok not to have it all figured out. Sometimes you can't overanalyze things and need to follow the breadcrumb.
Q: You rely on your instincts when goal setting now. How does that help you get a sense of what’s a true goal for you?
It comes down to intentions for me. I ask myself if what I want is coming from a place of fear or love. If it's coming from fear, then it's coming from your ego. My coach reminded me of that acronym for fear –False Evidence Appearing Real. This "false evidence" is just not real. And when anxiety and fear creep up, I remind myself that, personally, my track record is to achieve anything I declare as a goal. That is real. I have case study after case study in my life to achieve my goals. If your goal is coming from an authentic place, you'll feel an internal pull towards it that feels inspiring instead of a what "you should do" type of mentality.
USING INSTINCTS TO GUIDE GOALS
After starting a successful entertainment PR company in Australia, Dawn til Dusk Publicity, Sarah Findlay was ready to get married. She had just moved into a new home she had built with her fiancé. But she later discovered a long-standing infidelity between her fiancé and someone they mutually knew. Their engagement was suddenly called off and she moved out of the house with nowhere to live and no idea what the future would entail.
"I lost my future marriage, home, and what I knew my life to be at that time. I thought I had a concrete plan, and it was suddenly ripped out from under me. My life literally crumbled around me, and it was all out of my control. I even had to put my beloved dog to sleep at this time." Sarah remembers sitting on her knees on the floor and asking the Universe, "What more do you want from me? You have taken everything!”
Q: What were some resources that helped you during that time?
I decided to refuse to let this experience affect my future. I actively worked very hard at healing myself. During the breakup, I increased sessions with my spiritual and life coach, who I luckily had already been working with before everything. She helped me greatly! My friends and family also came to my support.
Interestingly, I didn't have a great relationship with either my mom or dad before the breakup, but going through the whole experience brought me closer to them. And this is a blessing that I am very grateful for. My breakup somehow helped heal some of our family wounds and brought us closer together for this moment in time.
Q: In terms of moving towards your goals, what’s that process like for you?
For me, working towards my goals is a combination of action, guidance, and instincts. I listen to and act on my instincts; I call this taking inspired action. In this way, I use my instincts as a guide. I have the big picture in my head– like moving to the US, but I'm not attached to how it happens. You can have some structure but also build in fluidity as well. And sometimes, you need to surrender and trust that there's a universal plan. You start to notice synchronicities, and things start to appear when you're in flow. You just need to listen and follow through with action. As I always say, “follow the breadcrumbs.”
Q: What are some things people can do to get connected to their instincts?
Most of the time, you just need to be still to feel connected to your instincts, source, higher self, or whatever you believe in. The Universe will always talk to you in a language that you’ll understand. For me, it’s taking baths and surfing. I’m really drawn to water and the ocean. Sometimes any form of movement will also help you connect, like walking and listening to a podcast or music. Free-flow writing in my journal helps as well. “The Surrender Experiment” by Michael Singer is a great book I highly recommend too.
Q: What are some big goals you want to achieve this year? What is on the horizon now for you?
I am writing my first book and once I have the first draft, I will be working to find a literary agent and publisher. The memoir is about finding the lessons and blessings in breaking up, divorce, and starting again. It isn’t a love sucks story. However, I recently heard that writing a book is like running in a marathon and I’m allowing space for it to come to me. I don’t want to rush the process. I’m also working on launching a podcast – all-around dating. The podcast will also be an element of research for my writing.
Q: Walk us through that process of how you came to these goals?
The podcast, for example, definitely came from a gut feeling at first. I wanted to launch it to help support the book initially by building an audience. Then I started to brainstorm topics around it and do the research on how to record a podcast. As a publicist, I knew how to create a content calendar and conduct interviews, but I needed to learn how to do the logistics of recording and editing. To make myself accountable, I set a date for launching the podcast and started working backward on deliverables. Sometimes when I overthink things, it'll scare me. But the hardest part is really just taking that initial leap of faith. I think that's what stops a lot of people. And again, you have to trust sometimes, and amazing things WILL happen.
And regarding my first book, people kept telling me I should write one about my experience as they find it inspiring. So, I have been typing it out ever since. And I'm very excited to bring it to life and make it available for people to read, as I hope it greatly impacts culture and people. That's what I will consider as writing a "great book." Not a literary masterpiece but a book that impacts culture and helps people navigate breaking up, divorce, dating, and starting again. My book has wild adventures and is about finding oneself throughout the process and uncovering deeper parts of myself, like traumas and how family dynamics affected my relationship choices.
This book is suited to anyone going through a breakup but specifically it is helpful for those experiencing a long-term relationship breakup, dealing with an engagement ending, surviving a divorce, and surviving affairs. Regarding themes it is a combination of EAT PRAY LOVE meets SEX & THE CITY meets THE STATE OF AFFAIRS: RETHINKING INFIDELITY. I can’t wait to make it available for people to read!!
Sarah’s podcast, Our Deepest Secrets Revealed, discusses intimate topics with guests as they share their points of view about dating, sex, and relationships. Find it here on iTunes, Spotify, Podbean, TuneIn, and Stitcher!
See all links below:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-deepest-secrets-revealed/id1342335172
https://ourdeepestsecretsrevealed.podbean.com
https://www.stitcher.com/show/our-deepest-secrets-revealed
Also find Sarah at https://www.sarahfindlay.blog